Only One Way Out of This Mess

Start Looking.

Two missionaries parked their car on a street in Germany before going to a meeting. Upon leaving the meeting, they could no longer find their car and called a local church member in hopes that he could look up the name of the street where they parked and direct them to it. Proud that they had at least taken note of the name of the street, they announced to the local member, "It was on Einbahnstraße." Little did they know that "Einbahnstraße" means "one-way street."

-Michelle Glauser

And a Blabbergasted personal side note: co-founder Autumn is having surgery today. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Group Nap Time

Directed to the couch.

Missionaries in Germany were invited to join a family for dinner after church one Sunday.

Upon completion of the meal, the mother of the family pushed back her chair and said, "I'm going to go take a nap in my room."

A newer missionary responded: "I'll come with."

The father of the family immediately responded with, "No, you won't!"

-Michelle Glauser

A Missionary Walks Into a Nude Bar

A missionary told his new companion to pronounce the "nacht" in "Nachtbar" (neighbor) with a strong K, which made it into "naked bar." The new companion asked everyone to refer any naked bars they knew of. Even though the members kept correcting him, the word had been reenforced enough that he just continued saying it that way. 

-John Vandenberghe

Human Sacrifice

Get away as fast as you can!

While talking about the law of Moses during a lesson in Germany, my friend said that the Israelites had to sacrifice "Lahme" (lame people) instead of "Lämmer" (lambs). Everyone seemed a little surprised by that statement.

-Kira Carey

Do, Destroy . . . You Know

Destroy!

On my mission to Germany I heard one elder bear testimony on fast Sunday that he was so grateful to be able to "destroy" the work of the Lord. He had meant to say to "do" the work of the Lord. The German words "verrichten" and "vernichten" are very similar indeed.

-Micheline Jarvis

Employ that Ticket!

A lecturing German caught in bronze.

Once when planning to board a train in Germany early in the morning, I discovered to my horror that my ticket needed to be validated before being used. Unfortunately, at that time of the morning, there weren't any employees at the information desk or elsewhere. The only person I could find who might be able to help me was the driver of the train. He saw me motioning to him and stepped out. What I should have asked was, "Am I allowed to use this ticket?" "Darf ich dieses Ticket benutzen?" but the only thing I could think to ask was, "Arbeitet dieses Ticket?": literally, "Does this ticket labor?" (At that time, I didn't know the word "funktionieren," which might have worked better.) I knew my words weren't conducive to my meaning, so I tried some simple English when I saw the man was confused and probably also upset that I had disturbed him. He scared me off by gruffly saying, "Wir sind in Deutschland! Wir sprechen Deutsch!" (We're in Germany! We speak German!)

Luckily I liked Germany so much anyway that I moved there later.

-Michelle Glauser

No Beating Around the Bush Here

"Nurse" in German.

A German nurse friend of mine remarked to me that she'd recently had an English-speaking patient. "I wasn't sure how to give him instructions, but it turned out just fine," she said. "We had to do a urine test."

"What did you say to him?" I asked.

"Piss in the bucket!" she said proudly.

-Michelle Glauser

Some Balls Need More Dodging Than Others

Dodge Ball Night.

While I was studying in America for one semester, I was able to participate in activities with other students every Monday night. One night, we played dodge ball. There was one boy, Ian, who always threw the ball extremely hard. I was really scared to get hit by him, but someone else ended up hitting me. As I left the field, I said to a friend, "I'm so scared of Ian's balls!"

-Rebekka Weidmann

The Kiss of Sleep

Good night kiss/pillow.

As a young missionary in Germany, I needed a new pillow. However, while asking the young, cute, 18-year-old salesgirl, I accidentally said I needed a "Küssen" (a "kiss") to sleep instead of a "Kissen." 

-Lloyd Seipert

Hot Diggety Dog

Hot dog.

When my husband was posted in Germany, I was walking down the street one day when I decided to buy a bratwurst from a street vendor. Approaching the stand, I asked for a "heißen Hund." The smile on the vendor's face told me that the American term "hot dog" doesn't mean the same thing in German.

-Carol Seipert

A Party Pooper and a Happy Clam Walk Into a Bar

A German expounds on the confusion that is English.







(Thanks to Heather for the heads up on these YouTube videos.)

So Wet

Caught in the rain.

An older American woman in Germany wanted to tell people how nice they were, but she kept saying the wrong adjective. Instead she told them, "Sie sind so nass, so nass!" (You are so wet, so wet!)

-Jennie Taylor

Proud Partygoer

Proud weekend partygoer.

In German, I got the words "aufgeregt" (excited) and "ausgezeichnet" (awesome) mixed up, so for a long time I would say things like “Am wochenende werde ich zur Party gehen, also bin ich sehr ausgezeichnet." (During the weekend I'm going to a party, so I'm awesome.)

-Joel Roman