Give Crap for Christmas

A few weeks ago, in the car with Michael, I saw this (or some version of it):





Michelle: "Gift wrap wonderland, huh."
Michael: "Huh?"
Michelle: "That's what it said on the ad for The Container Store."
Michael: "Why would they call it that?"
Michelle: "For Christmas . . . ? What do you mean?"
Michael: "Give crap wonderland?"
Michelle: "Ah, no. Gift. Wrap. Wonderland."
Michael: "Yeah, that makes more sense."

Chubby with a Good Constitution

Mixing languages can make for some pretty humorous situations, such as the following from Love Actually (sorry for the bad language in the first clip and the horrible quality of the second):











Thanks to Michael Tsai for the submission.

Nursing Embarrassment Joke

Test results.

A male patient is in a bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and is still heavily sedated from an operation. A young nurse appears in his room to check up on him. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind his mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies," I don't know, I'm only here to check your stats." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, takes a close look, and says, "There's nothing wrong with them!" The man removes his oxygen mask and says very slowly, "Are--my--test--results--back?"

Group Nap Time

Directed to the couch.

Missionaries in Germany were invited to join a family for dinner after church one Sunday.

Upon completion of the meal, the mother of the family pushed back her chair and said, "I'm going to go take a nap in my room."

A newer missionary responded: "I'll come with."

The father of the family immediately responded with, "No, you won't!"

-Michelle Glauser