Nursing Embarrassment Joke

Test results.

A male patient is in a bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and is still heavily sedated from an operation. A young nurse appears in his room to check up on him. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind his mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies," I don't know, I'm only here to check your stats." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, takes a close look, and says, "There's nothing wrong with them!" The man removes his oxygen mask and says very slowly, "Are--my--test--results--back?"

A New Compliment

In French, "petite bites" means "small dick."

Thanks to John Gough for pointing out this ad.

Sacrament and Defilement

One Sunday during church in Italy, a newer American missionary was blessing the bread for the sacrament. In Italian, the sacramental blessing on the bread should be said:

"Ti chiediamo . . . di benedire e santificare questo pane . . ."

(We ask thee . . . to bless and sanctify this bread . . .)  

However, as new missionaries tend to do, he struggled with the pronunciation of "pane," thus saying:

"Ti chiediamo . . . di benedire e santificare questo pene . . ." 

(We ask thee . . . to bless and sanctify this penis . . .)

Needless to say, he was asked to start over.

-Dave Murphy

Little Shirts (Be Forewarned)

Little shirt.

While a missionary in Brazil, a new American missionary got tricked into telling members that we all need to go buy "camisinhas" (camisa=shirt, inha=little) to give to kids at church. Little did he know that "camisinha" is slang for condom. 

-Kellen Petersen