Do, Destroy . . . You Know

Destroy!

On my mission to Germany I heard one elder bear testimony on fast Sunday that he was so grateful to be able to "destroy" the work of the Lord. He had meant to say to "do" the work of the Lord. The German words "verrichten" and "vernichten" are very similar indeed.

-Micheline Jarvis

Employ that Ticket!

A lecturing German caught in bronze.

Once when planning to board a train in Germany early in the morning, I discovered to my horror that my ticket needed to be validated before being used. Unfortunately, at that time of the morning, there weren't any employees at the information desk or elsewhere. The only person I could find who might be able to help me was the driver of the train. He saw me motioning to him and stepped out. What I should have asked was, "Am I allowed to use this ticket?" "Darf ich dieses Ticket benutzen?" but the only thing I could think to ask was, "Arbeitet dieses Ticket?": literally, "Does this ticket labor?" (At that time, I didn't know the word "funktionieren," which might have worked better.) I knew my words weren't conducive to my meaning, so I tried some simple English when I saw the man was confused and probably also upset that I had disturbed him. He scared me off by gruffly saying, "Wir sind in Deutschland! Wir sprechen Deutsch!" (We're in Germany! We speak German!)

Luckily I liked Germany so much anyway that I moved there later.

-Michelle Glauser

Special Experiences

What kind of experience is Japanese food?

The worst I've heard of is a common mistake in Japanese. In the MTC they were quick to warn me not to mix up the words "reiteki" (spiritual) and "seiteki" (sexual). Very awkward if you want to tell others about a spiritual experience you had with your companion.

-Danniey Wright

A True Banana

A true banana.

I heard of a Mormon missionary who mixed up the Chinese words for "banana" (xiāngjiāo or 香蕉) and "prophet" (xiānzhī or 先知). She told the investigator that she knew that Joseph Smith was a true banana.

-Delores DeVictoria

No Beating Around the Bush Here

"Nurse" in German.

A German nurse friend of mine remarked to me that she'd recently had an English-speaking patient. "I wasn't sure how to give him instructions, but it turned out just fine," she said. "We had to do a urine test."

"What did you say to him?" I asked.

"Piss in the bucket!" she said proudly.

-Michelle Glauser

Some Balls Need More Dodging Than Others

Dodge Ball Night.

While I was studying in America for one semester, I was able to participate in activities with other students every Monday night. One night, we played dodge ball. There was one boy, Ian, who always threw the ball extremely hard. I was really scared to get hit by him, but someone else ended up hitting me. As I left the field, I said to a friend, "I'm so scared of Ian's balls!"

-Rebekka Weidmann

The Kiss of Sleep

Good night kiss/pillow.

As a young missionary in Germany, I needed a new pillow. However, while asking the young, cute, 18-year-old salesgirl, I accidentally said I needed a "Küssen" (a "kiss") to sleep instead of a "Kissen." 

-Lloyd Seipert