Your Girlfriend's Hot

While on a Spanish-speaking Mormon mission, my companion and I began making small talk with a twenty-something Hispanic man we didn't know. While we were talking, a woman came out of the house. The man said something to her, and my companion asked who she was. When the man said it was his girlfriend, my companion, intending a platitude equivalent to "Oh, cool!" said "Que buena!" which is more like, "Wow, she's hot!" The man then glowered and asked what that was supposed to mean. After a quick explanation, we ended the encounter quickly and left.

-Ryan Farnsworth

Say Hello to My Little Friend

Little friends.

While giving the Holy Ghost to a young boy as a missionary, I added the words "my little friend," which would be just fine in English. However, since I was speaking French, my "petit ami" didn't hold the same meaning. I was told later that I had called the boy my boyfriend.

-Anonymous (you know who you are)

A Missionary Walks Into a Nude Bar

A missionary told his new companion to pronounce the "nacht" in "Nachtbar" (neighbor) with a strong K, which made it into "naked bar." The new companion asked everyone to refer any naked bars they knew of. Even though the members kept correcting him, the word had been reenforced enough that he just continued saying it that way. 

-John Vandenberghe

Preaching in the Nude

There was a brand new missionary to Quebec and as is often the custom he was asked to introduce himself to the congregation at church. He said 'Bonjour, je m'appelle Elder Smith et je suis 'new'." In his nervousness he had forgotten the French word for new, which is "nouveau" and had unfortunately substituted it with the English word "new." The entire congregation erupted into a tremendous laugh at hearing the Elder say he was "naked."

-David Jarvis

Choked

Are you choking or can I offer some other kind of support?

I cannot vouch that this actually happened; it may be one of those mission field urban legends, But just in case:
It is reported that an experienced missionary in the French missions sometimes picked up a brand new junior companion at the train station, pretending to have such a raspy voice and sore throat that he needed the new man to request cough drops from the pharmacist. The new guy, not yet having a vocabulary that included medicinal terms, carefully practiced what he was told was the French word for cough drops: "soutien-gorge" (literally: "support-throat"). The newcomer would approach the counter and announce that he was in need of some very strong, very powerful soutiens-gorges, while the senior missionary would watch from a distance . . . where he could laugh at the red-faced younger missionary who had to endure the pharmacist's sign-language explanation that a soutien-gorge was a woman's brassiere.

-Ardis E. Parshall

Human Sacrifice

Get away as fast as you can!

While talking about the law of Moses during a lesson in Germany, my friend said that the Israelites had to sacrifice "Lahme" (lame people) instead of "Lämmer" (lambs). Everyone seemed a little surprised by that statement.

-Kira Carey

Do, Destroy . . . You Know

Destroy!

On my mission to Germany I heard one elder bear testimony on fast Sunday that he was so grateful to be able to "destroy" the work of the Lord. He had meant to say to "do" the work of the Lord. The German words "verrichten" and "vernichten" are very similar indeed.

-Micheline Jarvis