Two Smelling (or Smelly?) Wives

It's been ages since the last post, but I heard such a good one yesterday that I had to share:

My friend and her husband were having a difficult conversation with their Chinese hosts about how they needed to move out, and the man kept saying, "You can smell with my wife?" and "You and my wife can smell together?"

There were ten minutes of awkward back-and-forth conversation while they tried to figure out what he meant until finally they realized that instead of "smell," he meant "smile." Apparently that was his way of saying that they could agree and be satisfied.

Evil Chinese Dumplings

Once when the missionaries were speaking in church, one talked about the "wanton evilness of the world," except he pronounced it WONTON. Luckily we were sitting in the foyer because I started laughing so hard I ended up coughing and choking thinking about evil Chinese dumplings.

-Jennifer Sauls

Singing in Pain

Is Diverticulitis what you get from eating Korean food?

My father speaks Korean, and he taught me to say "baega parumnidah" (내 배가 부르고있다), a cute, folksy expression to say that the food was very good (literally, it means, "My stomach is singing"). One time I was eating at a Korean restaurant with my father. The food was very good, so when the Korean owner asked how I liked the food, I confidently said my phrase. The owner frowned and had a sincere look of concern on her face. Turns out, what came out of my mouth was a lot closer to "baega apahabnidah" (배가 큰 고통입니다), which means, "My stomach is in great pain."

-Joel Roman

To help with our Korean, (Google Translate isn't always the best), email us at blabbergastedblog AT gmail DOT com. Also, sorry for the delay in posts. Hopefully we'll be back up and posting regularly. Please send us your stories or ask your friends for stories to share with us!

Sacrament and Defilement

One Sunday during church in Italy, a newer American missionary was blessing the bread for the sacrament. In Italian, the sacramental blessing on the bread should be said:

"Ti chiediamo . . . di benedire e santificare questo pane . . ."

(We ask thee . . . to bless and sanctify this bread . . .)  

However, as new missionaries tend to do, he struggled with the pronunciation of "pane," thus saying:

"Ti chiediamo . . . di benedire e santificare questo pene . . ." 

(We ask thee . . . to bless and sanctify this penis . . .)

Needless to say, he was asked to start over.

-Dave Murphy

A Missionary Walks Into a Nude Bar

A missionary told his new companion to pronounce the "nacht" in "Nachtbar" (neighbor) with a strong K, which made it into "naked bar." The new companion asked everyone to refer any naked bars they knew of. Even though the members kept correcting him, the word had been reenforced enough that he just continued saying it that way. 

-John Vandenberghe

Design Mom Story

Vintage family photos in France.

Design Mom, who is currently living in France, asked her kids for a Blabbergasting story and Ralph reported this one:

I was in French class (which is basically language arts). We were reading a story out loud, and it was my turn to read. Everything was going fine until I pronounced "baiser" like "baisser." This wouldn't have been too big a deal, except the fact that "baiser" can be the F-bomb in French. Oops!

-Gabrielle Blair

Republished: Mistaken in Peru

Still hiding from the sexy woman.

A few years back, some friends and I found cheap tickets to Peru and booked a night at Loki Hostel, a hostel with a wild reputation that isn’t unfounded. For four bucks a night, we were willing to put up with quite a bit. On the way to Loki, our cab driver asked us what we were going to be doing. We told him about the hike and the three unplanned days before it. “You want to see sexy woman?” he asked in his stilted English. Obviously he knew about Loki’s reputation and assumed we shared the promiscuous disposition of its usual boarders. Over our vigorous protests, he told us he’d get us tickets. “You see sexy woman. You see sexy woman," he said. A knot formed in my stomach. As it turned out, Sacsayhuamán—not “sexy woman”—is the ruin of a massive Incan temple just outside Cusco. The complex was the site of the last stand between Incan warriors and their European invaders in the 15th century. Guess we didn’t seem that wild after all.

-Stu Back

Originally published (in a lengthier form) by Stowaway Magazine

Cute Little What?

Didn't think teddy bears would embarrass you.

Teaching your kids proper pronunciation can be more important than you think. We were at the store and my daughter yelled: "Dad, check out these titties!"
Me: "What?"
My daughter: "These little titties! Aren't they cute?"
Me (I notice she's pointing at little teddy bears): "Oh . . . those teddies? [Pronouncing it loud and slow as I try to shuffle her away]. Yeah, they're cute."
My daughter (walking away and SUPER loud): "Yeah Dad, those titties are way cute."

  -Sita Ripley

Learning Spanish from Dora the Explorer

Dora: Expanding your children's vocabulary since 2000.

My three-year-old daughter Patcy was spending the afternoon over at my family's house when Patcy said what they thought was, "a butt hole." At the time, she had been talking about being in a car, so we assumed that what she really meant to say was "a pot hole." Patcy typically has great enunciation, so we were all confused when she refused to say "a pot hole" and continued to say "a butt hole." After a few hours of this, Patcy finally cried out "arriba!" which is Spanish for "up!" All of a sudden I understood what she had been saying the whole time . . . "abajo," the Spanish word for "down." I then explained to my family that Patcy is learning Spanish from "Dora the Explorer" and she likes to say "arriba" and "abajo" when we are going up and down hills in the car.

-Brenda Daniels Keizer

Poop and Scoop (or Carry)

Scoop that poop.

A few unfortunate pronunciation mistakes I have made are with the word "cargar" which means to carry or haul, but for some reason with my American accent it sounds more like "cagar" (to sh!t) to Spanish speakers. I also have had trouble with "cancha" (field), because sometimes it sounds like "concha"--which literally means "conch shell," but is also a very vulgar term for a part of the female anatomy.

-Chris Glauser

Woof Woof, Barf Barf

Downward Facing Dog

As I was learning to speak Malagasy, my group and I all got one phrase mixed up. While talking about prayer, instead of saying, "nandoalika" (meaning "knelt down"), we all said, "nando alika" (meaning "the dog threw up").

-Catherine (Vick) Edwards